Brave Face
by dionnemcf
Summary: Carly joined Waterloo Road at the start of the new term. She is a hard working and conscientious pupil who always gets good grades. But things soon change when Carly turns up for school and class late, her grades have slipped and she isn't focusing in class. Can Rachel find out what is wrong with her?
1. Late again

Carly slowly walked to school it was 10am and she was over an hour late for school. She had Science first with Mr Mead. She slowly walked into school and went into Mr Mead's classroom.

" Good Morning Carly, What time do you call this? Your late again this week and late for my lesson. Why are you late?"

" Emm let me think... The time is 10am yes? Who cares if I'm late and your lessons are boring anyway. I don't have to give you an excuse so get off my case!" Carly snapped.

" Carly this isn't like you. I want you to stay behind at the end of this lesson I think you and I need to chat." Mr Mead said.

" Fine." Carly replied.

The bell had rang for morning break and everyone had hurried out of the classroom and went to the dining hall. Carly just stood there and looked at Mr Mead like he was stupid.

" Okay Carly.. Is everything okay?" Mr Mead asked

" Yes why wouldn't it be?" Carly replied

" It's just I'm a bit concerned as your turning up late to my class, your grades have slipped and your just not focusing in my classes. I know something is up and I'd like it if you would talk to me as you know I'm always here if you need to talk." Mr Mead replied

" Thanks for your concern but I'm fine." Carly replied and rushed off.

Carly's POV

I just can't tell Mr Mead or anyone else. I don't know what to do I'm just scared of what they will say. What if they think I'm weak? What if they think I'm not coping? They will never understand...

Mr Mead's POV

I'm worried about Carly though, Is it worth telling Rachel? There must be something going on. Carly seems so happy though but I can tell she's not she's putting on that brave face. I want her to trust me and know that she can talk to me but she just won't open up and tell me anything but I really want to help her. Maybe it's best to check with her other teachers and see if they have noticed any changes.


	2. Worried

Mr Mead decides to go into the staffroom and speak to the other teachers..

" Listen up everyone.. I have a pupil named Carly McDonald and I've noticed a few changes in her behaviour and work the past few weeks. Has any of you noticed anything different about her?" Chris asked

" Carly McDonald? Yes she's in my French class. She was very hard working but now her grades are slipping she's gone from getting an A to getting a D." Miss Haydock replied

" Thanks for that Steph." Chris replied

" Actually I've noticed she's hardly focusing in my class. We're reading the book of Our Mice and Men and she's just not focused on the book she sits and stares into space all day. The work she has been producing isn't the standard she normally produces either." Mr Clarkson said

" Thanks Tom," Chris replied.

" It's okay, is everything okay with Carly though?" Mr Clarkson asked

" I'm not sure. She's been acting differently the past few weeks. She's been coming in to school late, grades have slipped and isn't focusing at all in class." Chris explained

" You want my advice mate.. You need to tell Rachel. You know Rachel she's really understanding and helpful she can talk to Carly and hopefully Carly can tell her what's going on." Tom replied

" You know what Tom your right, I'll speak to Rachel after my next class and I'll see if she can get to the bottom of this." Chris replied

" I'm Carly's form teacher and I can tell you that I never see her in registration in the mornings. Always late that's what I'm being told anyway." Mr Chalk replied

" Right thanks everyone, I'll discuss what you've told me with Rachel right now," Chris said and left the staffroom to speak with Rachel.


	3. Rachel is concerned too

Chris approached Rachel's office and knocked on the door..

" Come in!" Rachel shouted

" Hello Rachel, Sorry do you have a minute?" Chris asked

" Yeah sure come in and sit down," Rachel replied

" What can I do for you?" Rachel asked

" I have a concern for one of our pupils. Her name is Carly McDonald she's a year 12 pupil. The past few weeks she's been late for class, her grades have slipped and she's just not focusing in class. When she first came here she was hard-working and always achieved good grades. I have spoken with her subject teachers are they have said the same." Chris explained

" Okay, I've just had a look at her file and your correct about the grades slipping quite a lot. What I'll do is I'll go and find her and I'll have a chat with her and try and find out what is really going on." Rachel replied

" Okay that sounds fine. Keep me updated on how she is when you speak with her," Chris asked

" Yeah I will Chris, Thank you for letting me know you've done the right thing." Rachel said and smiled at Chris.


	4. Rachel finds out the truth

Rachel found Carly's timetable on her computer she was in English with Mr Budgen just now. Rachel walked off to go and get Carly so she could try and find out what was wrong with her.

" Sorry Mr Budgen. Can I please see Carly McDonald?" Rachel asked

" Yes sure.. Carly go with Miss Mason please." Mr Budgen said

" Thank you Mr Budgen," Rachel replied

" Hello Carly. I wondered if we could have a little chat in my office." Rachel asked

" Yeah miss that's fine," Carly replied

" Right okay you just sit on that seat there just leave your stuff there," Rachel replied

" Thanks Miss, Why did you want to see me?" Carly asked

" Carly we're a little bit concerned.. Turning up to class and school late, your grades have slipped a lot and you don't seem to be focusing on your schoolwork. Is everything okay?" Rachel asked

" Miss.. I don't know what to do..." Carly replied

" What do you mean Carly? I'm here for you and I can help you. You can talk to me about anything." Rachel replied

" It's complicated miss.. I don't know if you'd be able to help me. I'm feeling all over the place at the moment I think it's normal.." Carly explained

" Hold on a second sweetie.. I don't understand.. What's normal?" Rachel replied

" My father and mother were both in an accident one month ago. They were in hospital for 2 weeks that's why I've been late to school and not focusing on my school work. But they both didn't pull through they passed away 2 weeks later." Carly explained with tears streaming down her face.

" I'm so sorry for your loss Carly. I know that there's nothing I can say or do to make this better but I wish there was. Your only 15 years old you're dealing with a huge bereavement. You could've spoke to me about this before your always welcome to talk to me about anything my office door is always open for you." Rachel explained

" Thank you Miss Mason. I just can't come to terms with their deaths. I just feel like everything has been turned upside down. It's just so hard to cope with and it's so painful. I just didn't want anyone to know and I was afraid to ask for help because everyone will think I'm weak." Carly explained

" No darling listen to me nobody thinks your weak. Your still young and you shouldn't be dealing with this on your own. Grief is a painful thing and it can be hard to cope with. It takes a lot of courage for you to tell me what happened and about your father and mother's death." Rachel replied sympathetically

" I know but I was just scared." Carly explained

" It's okay to be afraid darling. Who do you live with now?" Rachel asked

" I live with my father's mum. She has been looking after me the past few weeks but she never talks about my mother or father. I guess she's grieving too but she never talks about it or mentions it. I can't talk to any of my family about the loss I'm afraid I upset them." Carly said tearfully.

" I understand what you mean sweetie. One thing you should never do is bottle up your feelings. Whenever you feel really upset or overwhelmed with grief I want you to come and see me and you can talk to me about it." Rachel explained

" Thank you miss. That would really mean a lot to me. Can you help me through this I just don't think I can handle it on my own?" Carly explained as tears ran down her cheeks

" Yes I can. I can help you handle this. I'm wanting to tell you this grief can be a very painful and lonely journey and it's not an easy one. But it all takes time and I promise I will help you every step of the way." Rachel told her

" Thank you miss. I'm just scared to be honest." Carly explained now wiping the tears away from her cheeks

" Your welcome sweetie. Everything will be okay in the end I promise you. We can get through this together. I will be there for you no matter what." Rachel promised

" Thank you miss. It's true what they say about you, your such a kind head teacher and your so understanding and helpful." Carly explained

" I didn't realise that's what they thought about me. I like to help pupils with problems that's why I'm helping you. Remember what I said you can talk to me about anything, It's probably best you go back to class wait a second and I'll give you a note to say you were with me," Rachel explained with a smile

" Thank you miss." Carly said and left the room


	5. Help and Support

Carly's POV

I had to get out of there I just didn't want to talk about what happened again. But now Miss Mason knows about things I'm guessing that's okay though she's the first person I can actually trust. I just didn't know what to do I couldn't keep what happened a secret any longer. It's hiding behind that brave face when all you want to do is break down and cry that's the hardest part. Life without mum and dad is too hard I miss them so much I wish none of this happened and that they were still alive and here with me now. Why did this have to happen? It's not fair! I guess I'm going to have to stay strong as that's what my parents would have wanted me to do but that's way too hard. I feel like i'm in a really dark and bad place that I can't get out of. I feel like I'm screaming but nobody can hear me. This grief is just too painful and difficult.

Rachel's POV

Now I know the truth I can help Carly with her grief. I just wished she would have talk to me sooner when this happened. The poor girl dealing with the death of her parents on her own for all those weeks. Now that I know I can support her and put a lot of support in place for her. It can't be easy for her though.

The next day Carly came to school on time, tried to get her grades back to normal even though it was difficult but her teachers gave her a bit of extra support and helped her with her course work. She seemed to be progressing quite well with school and seemed to be handling things well. But that's what the teachers thought anyway. Carly still went to speak with Rachel once a week but only Rachel knew she was finding things really difficult. Rachel recommended that Carly went to see a grief counsellor and she agreed to it. Carly saw a grief counsellor once a week and Rachel sat with her for moral support.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and months turned into one year. Carly struggled with the one year anniversary of her parent's death but she had Rachel supporting her. Rachel took her to her mum and dad's grave were she lay some flowers and she sat with Rachel and spoke about memories of her mum and dad. Talking always helped Carly deal with her grief even though she didn't want to talk. Sometimes it felt like nobody understood but only Rachel did.

" I know this must be difficult for you Carly but your parents will be so proud of you for being strong and they would want you to do well in school and achieve good grades then go to college or university. I understand how scary this can be for a girl your age but I promise you it will get better it just takes time as they say time heals everything." Rachel explained

" I don't agree that time heals everything. The wounds remain and that feeling of loss is always going to be there. But in time, the mind, protecting it's sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone," Carly told her

" Yeah I know what you mean Carly. But we can get through this I'm going to help you I promise," Rachel told her

After being in counselling for 5 months Carly began to feel that the pain wasn't as intense as it was before and she started feeling better. She took each day at a time and with Rachel and the rest of her teacher's help and support she found that her grades were getting better each time and she began focusing in class again. Even though that feeling of loss was always there Carly kept the memories she has of her parents. But that grief was always there and she had her good days and her bad. But she slowly began to feel better as there was progress everyday even though it was small.


	6. It hits you like a ton of bricks

It hits you like a ton of bricks

Carly's POV

I thought I was feeling better but I guess I was wrong. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I didn't expect it at all it was like this emotional wave that had just came over me. I felt like I wasn't in control of my grief when it hit me I was such an emotional wreck. I didn't know who to turn to or talk to I had nobody and the only thing I had was my diary which I wrote about everything in. I kept asking myself the same questions over and over again I just couldn't stop thinking about my mother and father's death and how I couldn't do anything about it. I had a bit of anger built up inside me too but I was angry at the doctors because they couldn't save my parents. Everything just seemed so hopeless..

The next day Carly got up and walked to school she was feeling really rubbish and she would have rather stayed at home but she knew Miss Mason would have sensed there was something going on. She walked into school 10 minutes after registration had ended and went to Science she had Mrs Diamond first.

" Good Morning Carly, Your a little bit late where have you been?" Mr Mead asked

" I slept in sir that's all," Carly explained with a smile

" Okay go and sit down and do the questions in the book it's page 72," Mr Mead explained

About 10 minutes later Mr Mead was going over the answers to the questions and Carly had done none of them. She couldn't concentrate on anything this morning she couldn't stop thinking about what had happened.

" Carly can you give me the answer to question 4 please?" Mr Mead asked

" Don't know," Carly told her

" Have you done the question yet?" Mr Mead asked

" No I've not done it yet," Carly told him

" Can you leave your jotter behind at the end of the lesson please?" Mr Mead asked

The bell had gone and knowing Science was over was a huge relief for Carly as she didn't like the subject anymore even though she used to like it she was losing interest in things she used to really enjoy.

" Carly can you come here for a minute please?" Mr Meadasked

" Yes sir?" Carly asked

" I just want to check your alright you know with grief and everything? You are coping okay?

" Sir I'll be fine honest and I am coping with grief.." Carly told her with a fake smile

" But if you need to talk or anything you know I'm always here for you and you can speak to any members of the Senior Management Team also like myself, Miss Campbell or Miss Mason," Mr Mead explained with a smile

" Thanks Sir," Carly said and left the classroom


	7. Problems

Luckily that lesson with Mr Mead was over. I was supposed to have Mrs Diamond for Science but she was out of school for today. I really like Mrs Diamond she came across to be a really nice and helpful teacher. Mr Mead seems nice to but there's something about him that makes me feel I can't trust him. The person I trust the most is Miss Mason she's understanding and so easy to talk to about things.

I felt numb today it was like I felt nothing I didn't know what to do either to cry or fake smile it was one of my bad days today I think. Obviously I didn't say anything to anyone that I was having a bad day of grief. I had English with Mr Budgen next and I just wanted the lesson to be over because his attitude really annoyed me and I had no patience today so I had a feeling I may explode at him.

" Right get your books out and your jotters and write me a summary of what you've read so far in the book," Mr Budgen explained

" But we've already done this sir," Carly told him

" Well if you've done it then read it out to the class." Mr Budgen suggested

" No I don't think so," Carly replied

" Why not? When I tell you to do something I expect you to do it straight away you got that?!" Grantly snapped

" WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! I HAVE GOT IT BUT I DON'T WANT TO READ IT OUT OKAY?!" Carly snapped all the anger had built up inside her

Carly couldn't control her rage and she stormed out of class and ran into the girl's toilets. She locked herself in the cubicle and started crying she just couldn't control the emotions she was finding grief too hard to cope with. She opened her bag and took out a small penknife and she pulled up her sleeve and put the knife to her wrist and made a few small cuts. She knew it was getting out of control and it wasn't the correct way to deal with her grief but on the other hand she wanted to get help and talk to Rachel about it but she knew she couldn't. The tears were now streaming down her face all she wanted was someone to fix her and make everything better but she knew that nobody could fix her. Self injury was her way of dealing with all the hurt and grief inside of her she was smiling on the outside but dying on the inside. She had been out of class for the whole lesson and she knew she was going to get into trouble but would Mr Budgen tell Rachel about it?

Later on at lunch time in the staffroom Grantly was sitting reading his newspaper as Tom and Chris had walked in and were discussing Carly's progress.

" How's Carly doing in your classes?" Tom asked

" To be honest with you it's going downhill again she's not doing much work in class and her grades have slipped again. I don't know if you've noticed anything but I get the sense that she's not dealing with her grief very well." Chris explained

" Well Grantly has been taking my classes this week as I've been out of school for a while but it's probably best to ask him how things are going. If he says the same what are you going to do?" Tom asked

" Well probably the best option would be talking to Rachel. Mind you she did get through to her last time and she did talk to Rachel about things it's like they're building up a bond." Chris explained

" Grantly, How's Carly's progress in your classroom?" Tom asked

" Oh Carly don't get me started about her.. One word for her is very snappy. She's been acting up in my class again she snapped at me this morning." Grantly explained

" What happened?" Tom asked

" Well I only asked her to read her short summary of the chapter out and she totally snapped at me then walked out of my lesson and I don't know were she went after that." Grantly told Tom

" Right okay thanks Grantly, I'm going to have to speak to Rachel about this." Tom explained

" Chris, That's G rantly just told me that there was a situation this morning with Carly storming out of class and not coming back to the lesson. He hasn't seen her since. Do you have any idea where she could be in school?" Tom asked

" I'm guessing the toilets but I can't be 100% sure. How about we talk to Rachel and let her talk to her?" Chris suggested

" Right good idea," Tom said


	8. I want to tell you but I can't

Rachel had now went to search for Carly but there was still no sign of her. Rachel always knew that the one place that people used to go when they were upset was either outside or in the toilets. Rachel first checked the toilets

" Hello Carly, Are you in here?" Rachel asked but it was silent

Rachel heard the noise of someone who was crying she was unsure of who it was because it may not have been Carly in that toilet. But the door was locked and she couldn't get in.

" Hello Carly, If you're in here please unlock the door. We can talk about this?" Rachel told her

" Talk about it that's all i've ever done since it happened and still it doesn't make me feel any better. There's no point anymore nothing will get better it's never going to bring them back is it?" Carly replied

" Listen to me sweetie. It may not bring them back but talking about it can help you know you can always talk to me or any member of staff for that matter. I know that you don't feel better but it's going to take time. Things may not get better but they become different," Rachel said trying to comfort her.

" Miss, How do you know I'm not feeling any better?" Carly asked

" Well Mr Mead said that you've not been concentrating and I heard you stormed out of Mr Budgen's class this morning and you didn't turn up to Maths with Mr Chalk. Can you tell me why? Your not in trouble I just need to know," Rachel explained

" Miss I've been having trouble concentrating the past few weeks it's just all I ever think about is them it's just too hard. I stormed out of Mr Budgen's class because I was feeling pretty rubbish and he was getting on my nerves and I just totally snapped it was like I let all the anger that had built up inside of me out. I just couldn't face going to Maths with Mr Chalk so I went to the toilets.." Carly replied with a fake smile.

" That's normal during grief you can have trouble concentrating and that's okay. The next few months your mood will be all over the place you'll have good days and bad days and that's normal too and it sounds like your having a bad day. As for the Mr Budgen classroom situation you've had a rough time and a pretty bad day so that's okay and whenever you feel like this again I want you to remove yourself from the situation and come and see me, alright?" Rachel explained

" I've noticed i've had a lot of bad days the last few weeks it's more bad days than good. I didn't mean to lose my temper in Mr Budgen's class. I will come and speak to you when I feel like this again." Carly replied

" I'm glad you will. Just don't push anyone away and remember I'm here for you. You can trust me with anything. I just want you to know that you don't have to bottle everything up." Rachel said

" Thanks Miss," Carly replied

" No problem, Now you sit in here until you feel ready and then go to your next class," Rachel explained and was about to leave..

" Miss Mason?" Carly said

" Yes Carly?" Rachel replied

" There is something.." Carly replied hesitantly

" What's wrong?" Rachel said

" I..I.. It doesn't matter, it's fine," Carly replied

" You sure?" Rachel said

" No it's fine," Carly replied

" Okay, If you want to tell me I'm in my office all afternoon," Rachel said and left the room.


	9. Is she really okay?

At lunch time Rachel had gone into the staff room as she'd wanted to speak to the staff about Carly and her grieving..

" Right okay listen up everyone. I called this meeting because I feel that you need to know this too. As I have informed you all of before that Carly is still grieving over the loss of both her parents she's finding things very tough. I know that she's been acting up in some of her classes and her concentration levels haven't been very good. I have told her that she can talk to any member of staff about her grief and how she feels at any time." Rachel explained

" Acting up in class because of grief please all the kids act up in class might not be because of grief she might just want attention," Grantly said trying to be funny

" Grantly you're not funny at all, I'd appreciate it if you could be supportive and keep your smart comments to yourself thanks," Rachel replied pretty angrily

" Grantly, That girl has just lost both her parents for goodness sake! of course she's finding it hard you just don't think of others do you? Put yourself in her shoes you cannot imagine what the poor girl is going through," Davina said to Grantly

" Look I'm sorry for the upset I've caused," Grantly said

" Good you better be," Davina said

" I say we keep a close eye on her and if there is any changes or concerns please don't hesitate to come and see me. I think that is all now enjoy your lunch break," Rachel said with a smile before exiting

About 20 minutes later Chris came into Rachel's office

" Hello Rachel, How do you think the meeting went with the staff?" Chris asked

" Well to be honest some are supportive of Carly at this time but the others clearly do need to learn more about grief in my opinion," Rachel replied

" Yeah I agree too Rach. I mean what that girl is going through is the hardest thing ever. How do you think she is doing?" Chris asked

" Well being honest I'm unsure.." Rachel replied

" What do you mean?" Chris asked

" Well before I left her after having a chat she called my name and when I asked her what she wanted to tell me she said something about it being fine," Rachel explained

" Do you really think there's something else," Chris asked

" Yes I do and I know I need to find out," Rachel told Chris

" I have her after lunch in my class. I'll keep an eye on her and let you know," Chris explained

" Thanks Chris," Rachel replied


	10. I know she's pretending

The bell had gone for after lunch and Carly had Mr Mead next she always dreaded his class because he always asked if 'everything was okay' it was like part of me wanted to be truthful but the other half wanted to pretend everything was alright.

" Right textbooks open at page 70 please," Chris asked the class

" Now we're going to do this experiment today, I demonstrated it last lesson so you should all know it quite well. The equiptment is set up for you all so you can just get started," Chris explained

Chris approached Carly and asked to speak with her outside and Carly knew that he was about to ask her if everything was okay..

" Carly is everything okay?" Chris asked

" Yeah why wouldn't it be?" Carly replied with a fake smile

" It's just you have been acting up recently and I just need to know you are okay," Chris replied

" I'm fine honestly," Carly replied now with a small smile

" Are you coping okay," Chris asked

" umm.. yes.. i guess.. Now can I please go back into class?" Carly asked

" You sure you are coping okay?" Chris asked again

" I don't want to talk about it." Carly told him

" Okay, Back in the class," Chris told her

At the end of the lesson Carly quickly got her bag and jacket and left to go to her next class. Things had overwhelmed her in the classroom with Mr Mead talking about grief and coping but she wanted to tell someone the truth and ask for help but she felt she couldn't as she didn't want people to think she was weak.

Chris was now finished for the day and he'd remembered he was meeting Rachel for a drink at the pub after school.

" Hey Rachel, What do you want to drink?" Chris asked

" Chris can i have a white wine please?" Rachel asked

" Sure can, I'll bring it over in a second," Chris replied

" Right okay," Rachel said

" Here's your white wine," Chris said

" Thank you, always love a glass of wine after a busy day," Rachel explained with a smile

" Now things with Carly.. I had a chat with her well tried to anyway..." Chris explained

" How did it go?" Rachel asked

" Not as well as I'd expected to be honest," Chris replied

" What do you mean?" Rachel asked

" I don't know Rach, It's hard to explain it's like she's pretending things are fine when they're not. When I asked her if she was coping she was hesitant and then said ' umm..yeah...i guess,' I just don't know," Chris explained

" Well that could indicate for her that coping is becoming a problem couldn't it?" Rachel asked

" Yes it could actually. What are you going to do?" Chris asked

" Well I'll have to talk to her again I guess," Rachel explained unsure on what to do

" When?" Chris asked

" Tomorrow," Rachel told him

" That's a start," Chris replied

" Yes I think it is. I just want her to open up to me and for her to know I'm here to help," Rachel explained

" I know you do, your just so helpful," Chris replied

" Aw thank you Chris really, Now I must dash I have to get home I have my nephew coming over to my house tonight," Rachel replied

" I'll see you tomorrow Rachel, Night" Chris said

" Night Chris," Rachel said before exiting


	11. Losing Control

The next morning Carly had woke up and quickly got dressed for school. She looked at her wrists and saw the mess they were in she didn't know what she had done she felt like she had lost control of everything. Somehow for her self harm made her feel a bit better and more in control as the pain of losing her parents had gotten too much. She looked in the mirror and she dropped that fake smile as tears starting streaming down her cheek as she whispered ' I can't do this anymore.' She washed her face to make it look like she hadn't been crying. Something had made her feel like she needed to talk to someone and ask for help but the other part of her wanted to keep it a secret as she felt ashamed of what she had done and she didn't want people to think that she was weak.

" Carly, have you got a second?" Rachel asked

" Yes sure," Carly replied

" I wanted to ask how you were doing?" Rachel asked

" I'm fine i guess," Carly replied

" You sure? You know you can talk to me I'm always here for you," Rachel explained

" Yeah thank you Miss Mason," Carly replied and walked off

Carly had Miss Haydock for French first. She liked French but her grades were becoming a problem again. She wrote an essay last week on ' Sport and Leisure' she couldn't concentrate on the essay but handed it in any way.

" Good Morning class or should i say ' Bonjour' now your French essays from last week some are good but the others need a bit of work," Miss Haydock explained

" Right Danielle vocabulary needs some work and also work on your masculine and feminine as you seem to be getting them mixed up," Miss Haydock said

" Right Miss," Danielle replied

" Okay now Carly, what do you call this eh?" Miss Haydock asked

" My French essay?" Carly replied

" Well I wouldn't say an essay more like jumbled up work, I've gave you an F for this," Miss Haydock replied

" Fine," Carly replied

Finally class was over and it was break time. Carly had gone back into the toilets and locked herself in a cubicle and began to cry. Things were getting a little bit too much for her she just didn't know how much more she could take. It felt like everything was falling apart and that self harm was taking over her life. She wanted to tell someone as she knew she had to get help but what if she told Miss Mason would she understand?

Finally the bell had gone for the next class. Carly washed her face and eyes and walked up to Miss Mason's office. She knocked on the door and waited until she was told to enter..


	12. The truth is out

" Come in!" Rachel called

" Hello Miss Mason, You know how you said that you were here if I wanted to talk? I wondered if it would be okay to have a chat just now?" Carly asked

" Yes sure, I'm just going to pop along to see Mr Lawson first and then I'll sit and talk with you," Rachel explained before exiting to go and speak with Eddie.

Carly had butterflies in her stomach but she knew she had to speak to someone about things. She knew she needed help but asking for it seemed scary for her. She sat and waited until a few minutes later Rachel appeared back in her office.

" Sorry I've been longer that 5 minutes. Thank you for coming to see me though. Talk to me.." Rachel told her with a smile

" Miss I really don't know how to start this conversation," Carly explained

" Right okay let's start with telling me how your feeling?" Rachel asked

" I don't know how I feel I guess I feel upset, angry, confused, alone and finding things really tough and grief is just getting too much to handle," Carly explained

" Right okay I want you to know that all of these emotions are normal. This is going to take a little bit of time until you feel better it can be weeks/months or even years. How have you been coping with your grief Carly?" Rachel asked

" To be honest with you I've not been coping very well," Carly explained

" What do you mean?" Rachel asked

" Well I'm finding it difficult to concentrate and I've...I've.." Carly explained with a tear running down her cheek

" What do you mean sweetie? Take your time I'm listening," Rachel explained with a smile

" I've.. I've.. I've.. been self harming," Carly explained

Rachel sat there silent for a moment she just didn't expect to be told that. She had remembered dealing with another pupil who was self harming but with Carly's situation she didn't know what to say.

" What made you self harm Carly? Do you think you can tell me?" Rachel asked

" Well I couldn't deal with how I felt it was so intense and I needed to find a way to make the pain go away. Self harm made me feel more in control of everything it made me feel better," Carly explained

" You've took the first step to overcoming your self harm you've told me about it and I want to help you. We've identified the reason on why you self harmed and I think that we can find ways to help you cope with your grief," Rachel explained

" I'm just so scared miss, I can't do this on my own," Carly explained now crying

" There are healthy ways of coping such as talking to someone you trust like you can talk to me I'm always going to be here for you if you need to talk and my door is always open. I think the best way forward is maybe getting you some counselling you know like someone to talk to and support you through your grief," Rachel explained

" Okay Miss Mason I agree I think this is the best way forward," Carly told her

" I'll get in contact with the school counsellor and I'll let you know when she is able to speak with you," Rachel explained

" Okay thank you miss, It's just I hope everything is going to be okay," Carly explained

" It will get better in time," Rachel told her and gave her a hug

" Remember what I said sweetie I'm always here," Rachel told her

" Thanks miss," Carly explained and walked out of the office


	13. I want to help you

I was forced to get help there was no turning back. I looked at Miss Mason and she looked at me, I think she could sense the fear in my big brown eyes but i forced a fake smile onto my face. I didn't know what to say or do all i felt was numb.

" We're going to get you some help, it will just be someone you can talk things through with," Rachel explained

" What like a shrink?" Carly asked

" No it's just someone that your able to talk to about your grief and things," Rachel explained

" Miss what if people think I'm weak?" Carly asked

" Nobody will think your weak. If you want my opinion I think you are a strong and beautiful young lady. I know you can get through this Carly because I believe in you and I know your braver and stronger than you think you are. It's taken a lot of courage for you to ask for help and I'm proud of you because the hardest part is over. Yes there may be a long and difficult journey ahead but with support you can get through it. You'll have me there for you and I can support and help you through this," Rachel explained

" Thanks miss, nobody has ever said anything like this to me before," Carly replied

" Okay I'll get your counselling sorted and i'll keep you updated," Rachel explained

" Thanks Miss, But I'm scared about it all," Carly said

" Don't be scared honey, you're going to be okay," Rachel replied with a small smile


	14. Help is arranged

" Carly, Can I see you in my office first thing this morning please? I need to talk to you," Rachel asked

" Yeah sure," Carly replied with a smile

" What class do you have first?" Rachel asked

" Maths with Mr Chalk," Carly replied

" Okay I'll let him know you won't be in his class this morning," Rachel replied and walked off

Carly's POV

I'm sort of glad I told Miss Mason about how badly I was doing. Who else was I supposed to turn to? I just couldn't handle this on my own it was scary and it was like I had the whole world on my shoulders. Is getting help the best way forward? I'm scared yes I mean talking to someone like a counsellor that will make me feel so vulnerable. I turned to self harm too but when i put the blade to my skin and saw the blood trickle down my arm it was like all the pain inside my body was slowly flowing away it made me feel better. I didn't intend on hurting myself it just become a way of coping I guess. But maybe getting help is the best way forward I can feel better faster. I just want everything to be okay.

" Morning Carly, How are you today?" Rachel asked

" Don't know tbh miss, I feel numb I don't feel anything," Carly explained

" That's a normal part of grief Carly, it's okay," Rachel replied

" I got a call this morning from a counsellor who is really good and is willing to support and help you. Her name is Catherine and you can see her weekly for one hour. She can come into school for your weekly session. I'm sure you will be able to use the pastoral care office or my office I don't mind," Rachel explained

" Thanks for this Miss Mason," Carly replied

" It's no problem. That's what I'm here for and anyway you need my help so I'm helping you. Do you have any questions about your weekly sessions?" Rachel asked

" Well there's one thing.. Can you sit with me in my weekly sessions? Can you like be there for me miss please I don't think I can handle this on my own," Carly asked

" Yeah sure I can honey, you won't have to face this alone I'm with you every step of the way," Rachel explained with a smile and gave Carly a hug

" Your first session is on Wednesday. I'll be there with you I promise. I'll ask one of my deputies to cover for me for one hour," Rachel explained

" Thanks Miss," Carly replied

" No problem, you don't have to thank me. I'm helping you because I want to," Rachel replied :)


End file.
